Close to Your Heart
by EmeraldDream
Summary: When Harry loses two of the people most dear to him, he turns to the one person he loves. Sometimes we have to lose some things dear to us to see other things and even to find love - HP/SS
1. Part I

Title: Close To Your Heart Author: Emmy Rating: PG. Content: Romance/Slash (HP/SS) Disclaimer: Not mine.  
  
Part 1:  
  
---  
  
Severus Snape found himself in one of the many countless taverns that littered Hogsmeade. He settled back in his shadowy corner booth and relaxed with a small glass of rum, swirling the contents about before taking a small sip. The atmosphere was dark and the smoke seemed to dim the already flickering light from the dozen or so candles located on each simple circular-shaped chandelier. He ignored the quiet murmurs and bawdy laughs of the few other wizards and warlocks who were chattering about with the waitresses and each other.  
  
An almost inaudible bell sounded as the door opened, the gusts of wind blowing in more snow to melt on the warm floor at the entrance of the tavern. Severus didn't look up to see the visitor as some of the others did and so he didn't see the slack opened mouths of the warlocks and wizards as they caught sight of the person, nor did he notice the waitresses' swoons as they were passed. In fact, he didn't notice the new arrival until the young man was standing at his table.  
  
"So, this is where you went." Harry Potter of all people smiled genially down at him. Then the boy had the unmitigated gall to plop down in the booth right next to Severus, taking Severus' glass of rum and sipping from it before setting it down between them.  
  
Severus narrowed his eyes at the slender figure of the now twenty-one year old wizard. "What is it that you want?" He snorted.  
  
"Mmm...nothing." Harry waved to an approaching waitress and ordered himself a butterbeer before turning back to the potions master. "One would think you were wallowing in your own misery." Harry commented softly.  
  
"Do leave me alone, Potter. I happen to like wallowing in my own misery." Severus glared. "And why are you bothering me, don't you have your little friends and fanclub waiting for you somewhere?"  
  
Harry paused and turned away when the waitress returned with his butterbeer. He sat there for a moment, staring down into the golden liquid before glancing over to Severus once more. "Ron and Hermione are dead." He said soberly.  
  
"Did you think to come to me for sympathy? Why didn't you go to see Dumbledore or Black or someone else?" Severus replied bitterly.  
  
"Because I don't want sympathy." Harry stated.  
  
Severus considered Harry for a few moments, but refused to comment on that. He still didn't understand why Harry would seek him out of all people, especially after how he had treated him in the past and even continued to treat him. Severus felt it was necessary to keep Harry at a distance even now after Lucius and Draco had both died in battle.  
  
"Severus." Harry leaned close and gently kissed his lips. When he pulled away he slowly opened his eyes again and smiled at the look on the older wizard's features. He seemed oblivious to the crowd that was still watching them with great interest. "I've wanted to do that for a while now." He whispered.  
  
"Why?" Severus managed, although he sounded weak.  
  
Harry sighed and looked forward speaking as if he were speaking to some invisible person sitting across from them. "I never really got to tell my parents how I probably would have felt about them, then I lost the chance to tell my best friends how much they really meant to me." When he looked back to Severus, his eyes were glistening with unshed tears. "I never told you how I really felt about you and I don't want to lose you too."  
  
Severus was shocked to speechlessness. It took him a few minutes before he could actually speak. "You what?!"  
  
Harry leaned against him, resting his head against Severus' shoulder, and closed his eyes. "At first I hated you because you were cruel to me, but at the end of my first year I found out that you had tried to protect me from Quirrell. I couldn't understand it and it confused me. Later I still didn't like you, but I didn't feel as if I hated you so much. By the time my fourth year ended, I felt respect for you and I guess I began to even like you a little. In my fifth year I thought I had a passing crush on you, and tried to ignore it. In my sixth and seventh years my feelings hadn't changed or lessened at all and I think I might have even liked you more since we had worked much more closely in the fight against Voldemort. I was afraid to admit how I felt because of how you might take such a confession. It wasn't until after Ron and Hermione's deaths yesterday that I realized I had to admit how much I love you." He turned to gaze at Severus. "You know, even though Voldemort is dead, they were still killed by Death Eaters who had managed to escape. It seems almost ironic. Even after he's died Voldemort still continues to destroy my life." Harry gave a bitter laugh and a tear rolled down his cheek.  
  
"You...love me?" Severus asked, slack jawed. He could feel his face burning.  
  
Harry nodded and looked down into his butterbeer almost shyly. "I really missed you after I left Hogwarts..." He whispered. "I didn't realize how strongly I had felt towards you until I had already gone. I joined the Ministry and trained to be an auror with Hermione and Ron. They were going to both be my partners, but we were supposed to graduate to full auror status tonight. They died before we could even begin to fight." He cried freely now and Severus felt an unfamiliar pang of sympathy welling up within him.  
  
"So, you'll be an auror tonight?" Severus fought to keep his voice even. 'How pathetic! I'm letting a little love confession get to me like this. I must be losing my mind...' Severus mused. Although he also reminded himself that no one else had ever confessed to loving him before.  
  
"No." Harry shook his head. "I decided that I want nothing to do with the Ministry anymore."  
  
"Then what do you plan to do?" It struck Severus that Harry might decide to live off of his parents' fortune. It wasn't out of the realm of possibility.  
  
"I would like to stay with you." He replied.  
  
"With me?" Severus raised an eyebrow. He was slightly disgusted when he realized the idea thrilled him much more than it should have.  
  
"Yes, I don't think I want to leave you." He blushed as he spoke.  
  
"You act as if we're already together." Severus waved his hand in a vague motion between them. Harry's presumptuous attitude made him a little nervous as well as a little excited.  
  
Harry smiled and turned to him. "But, I know you do love me. You saved me more than once when we were working together and when we said goodbye you seemed almost sad. I thought I had imagined it at first, but then I understood I hadn't. And then...you would have already turned me down, but you haven't."  
  
"Damn." Severus gulped down the rest of his drink and slammed it down on the table before ordering another round which came right away.  
  
"You do, don't you." Harry said.  
  
Severus took this round and swallowed it down quickly again, ordering yet another round. He was going to get himself plastered before the night was over and try to ignore the pretty boy leaning against him and breathing on his neck. He took the next round and disposed of it as quickly as he had with the others. On his sixth round, Harry took the glass away and pressed his lips against the older wizard's. Severus was too drunk to pretend he didn't like it anymore and grabbed the younger man, pulling him close and returning the kiss.  
  
"I think we'd better get back to Hogwarts, love." Harry's voice was incredibly seductive to the not so lucid Severus and he agreed, although more out of wanting to agree with whatever that voice told him than actually agreeing with what was being said.  
  
Harry helped the potions master to his feet and walked him out the door and back to Hogwarts after paying their tab and waving goodbye to the still gawking crowd they had managed to gather. When they arrived at Hogwarts they were greeted by Professor Dumbledore, the headmaster of Hogwarts. Harry and Dumbledore exchanged words and then Severus found himself once more being led down a vaguely familiar corridor and into a room which he realized was his own after a moment's disorientation.  
  
He didn't have long to ponder how Harry had found his rooms so easily for Harry led him to the bed and sat him down. He was quickly stripped down to his boxers and watched as Harry did the same to himself, slipping under the covers with him. He snuggled next to Severus and the older man instinctively wrapped his arms around Harry to pull him closer. Severus fell asleep almost instantly, managing to get a better rest than he had had in years surprisingly enough.  
  
When he awoke the next day, Severus had a pounding headache. He glanced down and found Harry still asleep in his arms. He didn't move but wondered at the sight of the pretty and nearly nude young wizard nestled in his arms in his bed. He reached up and ran his hands through Harry's silky hair as he leaned forward and kissed his lightning bolt shaped scar. When he pulled away, Harry was watching him, smiling slightly.  
  
"I knew I was right." He laughed softly and kissed Severus' chin.  
  
Severus grumbled and sat up, opening the bedside drawer to pull out a small vial of green fluid which he drank. He turned back to Harry and wrapped his arms around him again, laying his head back on the pillow. "Go back to sleep, I'm waiting for my headache to go away." He growled lightly, hoping against hope that Harry would forget what just happened, despite the fact that he was now almost clinging to him desperately. Damn it...that'll be the last time he'd ever consider getting drunk within miles of Harry Potter.  
  
Harry laughed again and kissed Severus before closing his eyes once more. He'd express his plan to become a teacher at the school to Severus eventually. Perhaps it wouldn't be so hard to get the older wizard to actually acknowledge his feelings - after all he'd just slept with him and kissed him.  
  
When Severus woke up again Harry was still there. Severus frowned as he stared down at the peacefully sleeping body of his ex-student. He had assumed it was all a dream, but apparently it was very real. Harry snuggled closer to Severus and whispered something softly in his sleep: "I love you."  
  
Severus was grateful that Harry didn't see the deep blush that he felt spread over his face when he heard those words. It was so odd that he had missed Harry after the younger wizard had left and even longed for him to return, but this was absolutely insane! How could Harry claim to love someone like him? Did he forget that Severus was an ex-Death Eater? Severus wondered about that. He would have to wait until Harry woke again.  
  
TBC.. 


	2. Part II

Part 2:  
  
---  
  
"Albus, I don't know how to handle this!" Severus gestured wildly towards the door, indicating his relationship with Harry, who was still asleep in Severus' bed.  
  
"I don't understand why you feel that I can help you, Severus." Albus replied, gazing at Severus over his half-moon glasses. "Why don't you tell Harry how you feel?"  
  
Severus fell back onto a chair looking utterly defeated. "Because I can't. There's so many reasons why I can't."  
  
"What would those be?" Albus asked, frowning.  
  
"Well...first, he's Harry Potter. He's only twenty one, Albus! He's much too young to decide he loves anyone much less me. Then there's the fact that he's James and Lily's son - Black's godson." The last part he said with no small amount of distaste. "And I didn't exactly treat him nicely when he was my student. Then there's also the fact that having a...significant other...would make me look nice." He snarled.  
  
"But you do like him, do you not?" Albus asked, steepling his fingers and resting his chin on them.  
  
Severus was speechless for a moment, unsure of what to say. "A...Albus, I can't. It would be bad for both of us..." He tried.  
  
"As far as I can tell it would benefit both of you, Severus. Harry's gone so long without love he's unsure as to what it is and you are the exact same. Harry's gotten over his fear, though. He wants to love you, Severus, and I see nothing at all wrong with that if that's how he really feels and I don't doubt it is."  
  
"Fear?" Severus looked agitated. "I'm not afraid, Albus."  
  
Albus merely shook his head. "You just refuse to understand what I'm saying."  
  
"Then what are you saying?" Severus demanded.  
  
"I am saying that you fear love, admitting love, commitment, and everything that goes with it."  
  
Just as Severus was about to retort, the door flew open and Harry walked in. He paused uncertainly in the threshold when he saw Severus and Albus. "Oh, I'm sorry...I didn't mean to interrupt..."  
  
"No, no, that's perfectly fine, Harry, come, have a seat, we were speaking about you anyways." Albus smiled genially and Severus silently damned the old wizard.  
  
Harry took his seat next to Severus. The younger wizard glanced to Severus questioningly, then turned his attention back to Albus. "So, what is this about, Professor?"  
  
"Well, I believe there is something Severus has to say to you." Albus leaned back in his chair and folded his hands on his lap, looking smug and quite pleased with himself.  
  
Harry turned to Severus and waited for whatever the potions master had to say. Severus looked uneasily around him and finally decided to try speaking. "I...I..." He floundered. "I don't know if I can say it..."  
  
"It's okay, Severus." Harry leaned forward and kissed Severus' lips as Albus watched on in amusement.  
  
Severus growled, remembering Albus' earlier comment on fear. "No, I have to say it...if only to prove Albus wrong." He grasped Harry's arms tightly and scowled into the younger wizard's eyes. "Harry, I love you."  
  
He was surprised to see a tear fall from Harry's eye. The boy leaned over the space that separated them and hugged Severus. "I'm so glad..." He whispered before breaking out into sobs. Severus looked around awkwardly as he held Harry. He had no clue what he was expected to do.  
  
"Severus, I think it's about time that the two of you return to your room. Harry looks as if he needs some time alone with you." Albus nodded to Harry.  
  
"No." Harry said, sitting up and wiping the tears away. "I have something I need to talk to you about too."  
  
That familiar twinkle had returned to Albus' eyes. "Very well, what is it, Harry?"  
  
"I would like to stay here with Severus and be a teacher too if that's at all possible."  
  
"Well, if you don't mind teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts then you may." Albus grinned, knowing full well that Harry was more than qualified and willing.  
  
"I'd love to." Harry smiled, wiping his face with the back of one of his hands.  
  
"Good. For a minute there I was thinking of asking Lockhart to return." Albus chuckled at the revulsion on Severus' face when he mentioned that name.  
  
Harry smiled, "I'm glad I asked then. Shall we go, Severus?" He turned to Severus and the older wizard nodded.  
  
"Yes, I think we should." He muttered.  
  
Once in Severus' rooms, they sat down in front of the hearth and began to talk. "I wish Ron and Hermione were still here to see this. Hermione had said I should have been a teacher instead of an auror." He laughed. "I always thought she was more suited for it, but I guess we'll never know."  
  
"Don't worry on the past, Harry. She made her decision and you've made yours. I don't doubt she'd be proud of you." Severus assured him after pondering what to say for a minute.  
  
"I don't think I could have admitted how I felt if not for that. I can't help but worry that all those I love will be killed around me. I used to have nightmares about that sort of thing before Voldemort finally died." He looked down at his hands. "After Cedric died, I kept seeing him in my dreams...and Ron and Hermione and you and everyone else...and they were all dead. I was the only one left." He sighed. "I was so afraid that would happen, and now, I'm still afraid. Ron and Hermione shouldn't have died. They never caught the ones who did it either."  
  
Severus wrapped his arms around Harry. "Harry, don't think about it...not yet. You don't know what will happen, and I'm sure that they'll be caught soon. After all, their master is dead."  
  
"Yes, he is." Harry agreed darkly. "But why won't they stop? Shouldn't they have stopped already?"  
  
"Harry, there will always be evil. When one dark lord falls, another always replaces him. There is no doubt about that. We just have to be strong enough to defeat them again and live." He kissed Harry gently, feeling only slightly comfortable with his new role.  
  
"I don't know if I can be strong. Defeating dark lord after dark lord isn't how I want to live my life."  
  
"Then don't, Harry. No one else can tell you what to do with your life. Spend the rest of your life here with me and let them worry about the next dark lord to rise."  
  
Harry seemed surprised, as if he had never considered ever doing what he wanted. "I never thought of that." He finally said, laughing. "I always sort of figured I'd be doing what everyone else wanted." He finally stood up and pulled Severus up with him. "You know, I think I will stay here with you. I don't want to do anything else and this has always felt like home. It makes more sense than anything else ever has."  
  
"Of course, there will have to be a few rules first." Severus nodded.  
  
"Mmm...rules?"  
  
"Yes. First, we can't do anything in front of the students. Second, if I'm doing work with my potions or grading papers, don't bother me. And don't look at me like that." Severus frowned at Harry's distressed look.  
  
"Well...I'll try." Harry's frown then turned into a smile. "I might hold your hand or kiss you every once in a while when I can't stop myself, though." He laughed teasingly.  
  
Severus scowled. "I don't want my students to see me as 'nice'."  
  
"Don't worry. You can torture me as much as you like...later." Harry winked.  
  
Severus raised an eyebrow. "I had no idea."  
  
"Uh, well...I didn't mean it like that!" Harry replied hastily, his cheeks tinged pink.  
  
"Oh, I'm not so sure..." Severus teased. "I'll just have to see for myself." He whispered and then kissed Harry.  
  
When he pulled away, Harry rested his head against Severus' chest. "I'm glad this worked out, though. I was afraid you'd just laugh at me and tell me to go away."  
  
"I might have if I hadn't gotten so drunk." Severus said.  
  
"Really? Why?"  
  
"I was...afraid of love, as Albus so nicely put it." Severus snorted.  
  
"I guess we both were denying what we felt, huh?" He smiled. "You know..." He looked back up to Severus. "It's still early and I'm still a little tired. Do you want to go back to bed?"  
  
"That sounds like a good idea." Severus agreed as he ushered Harry back into the bedroom.  
  
-End- 


End file.
